Kissing — and being damn good at it — is something that we’ve all wondered about. Am I using too much tongue? Too breathy? Not enough biting? Chances are, you’ve thought it too but never been bold enough to say it out loud. So, for years, you’ve just assumed you’re a good kisser and by default, a pro when it comes to making out.

But are you sure you’re really making the most out of the kissable lips? And when it comes to making out — are you doing it right? Here’s how to tell.

FOLLOW EACH OTHER’S CUES

“Making out,” says love coach Lauren Frances, founder of Laurenfrances.com and author of Dating, Mating and Manhandling: The Ornithological Guide to Men, “is like following the leader.” In other words, don’t worry about having your own style — or even doing the opposite of your partner. You want to be in sync and on the same page because the better your lips work together, the better the lip lock.

“Before you’re kissing,” she adds, “you want to mirror the body language of the person you’re with because it really allows men to feel connected to you. You mimic their body language — are they leaning toward you? If so, lean toward them — because it creates a symmetry between the two of you and makes you feel like you’re literally connected, even though you’re not.”

Frances also adds that people tend to touch and be touched the way that they enjoy those feelings — so if someone is being really gentle and subtle with you, take that as a cue that this types of feelings and expressions are things they want in return.

KISSING AND MAKING OUT: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?

When does kissing become full-on making out? Frances says that “Making out is the most intimate thing you can do with your clothes in tact,” and adds that “a make out is more physical than just a kiss or smooch or a peck.

“You’re feeling a sexual experience — it’s almost as satisfying as having sex — but a make out really is when both people are settling in to each other and taking the time to connect in a deeply intimate way.” The only difference she adds, is that “you don’t have to take your clothes off. It’s kind of like this: a really good make out feels just like that moment before sex when your guy takes your panties off.”

RECEIVE AND RESPOND

Making out is a lot like having a conversation — only in this instance, you’re not really talking so much as swapping spit. So, like in any conversation, you want to take in what’s happening and then respond to it. “You let your guy do his thing, you know, taking the first step,” Frances says, “and you’re there to respond to what he’s doing.” That response can be anything from passionately kissing him back, to biting your lip to let him know you like what he’s doing.

“Some people need to find their own style,” she adds, “like, the way that your last partner kissed you will probably not be the same way your new suitor kisses you.” Don’t expect that just because you know how to kiss (newsflash: everyone knows how to kiss), you know how to kiss everyone. “Everyone has a different kissing style,” says Lauren, so be sure to respect that. When he leans in for the kiss, accept it without any preconceptions: it won’t be like the last guy that kissed you or the way your first love kissed you. You’re walking into a totally new situation. The best way to navigate is to receive and to respond, naturally.

Frances also adds that, “You want the person your kissing to feel like they can express themselves and in part, women want to receive what they’re doing and try to almost mirror that. If you like what they’re doing (and believe me, they’re going to be taking cues from you), the best way to express that you’re enjoying it is to give them back something that lets them know that you’re enjoying yourself.” If the kissing is off, or they’re kissing you with too much tongue (or not enough), when you ‘respond,’ it’s your chance to say, without speaking, what you want them to do. Expression is really important.

LET HIM KNOW YOU’RE INTO IT

You want your partner to know that you like what they’re doing and the easiest way to do that is without talking. Frances says there are ways to let your person know that you’re into it. “Try the ‘happy giggle,'” she says, “where you actually giggle, but just let out small, sweet, little sounds. You’d be surprised how encouraging that is for either sex.” And if you’re feeling animalistic, Frances says that you can definitely convey feel-good emotions by gently “mmm-ing” in delight or even purring, like a cat does when you pet her. Though they seem basic, it’s sounds like these that absolutely let your guy or girl know you’re into what they’re doing and that you want them to keep going.

“One of the other things I love to do,” says Frances, “is to put my hands on a man’s chest and at first, it kind of seems like I’m pushing him away, but if you push just lightly it lets him know that you’re really enjoying where things are going.” And if you want to play it up, “You can dig your nails in (gently!) on their chest and just put pressure — you don’t want to actually push him away. Doing so creates this really sexy playfulness that makes both sexes go really wild. He’ll want you more because of it.”